Love is a big, funny word.

there's one thing i have to say so i'll be brave

i’m not sorry i met you.
i’m not sorry it’s over.
i’m not sorry there’s nothing to say.

just some things

i have a sinus infection.

when i went to the doctor for said sinus infection, they weighed me.

when they weighed me, what i have been fearing was confirmed: i have officially gained TEN pounds since graduating college.

i feel like never eating ever again and always exercising forever.

i hate the way i look lately, especially around my face.

BUT. i’m loving white christmas rehearsals.

one-twenty-five:

Wanna know a secret? I’m obsessed with perfection. Obsessed.  All I want to be is perfect.  What’s that? nobodies perfect? Yes, yes I know that, but I still for omigod-reasons-I-can’t-control want my life to be perfect and fabulous.

It’s not.

I’m still fat.  Don’t look at me like that, I’m tired of defending my very obvious spare tire.  I am not a car, yet I HAVE A SPARE TIRE PEOPLE! TO be exact, 35% of my body is fat.  It should be 22%.  I know this, because my personal trainer told me this.

I want to be fabulous so much. I want the perfect house (wait.. check, I have one), I want the world’s greatest friends (whoa.. check mark again here),  I want the perfect job (1/2 a check mark here… hello money, yet hello cliche financial people I work with), I want the perfect boyfriend (fail), I want the perfect body (insert epic fail here).

I spent $3,000 tonight on 6 months of personal training, 3 sessions a week. HOLY SHIT I feel like such a failure typing that out. Yes, I need help thatbadly. Wanna know my reasoning? I figured a boob job costs about $6,000. It would change your life, so boo yea! I’m totally getting a discount on a life changing ‘procedure,’ hence? I signed up! Looking back on it… that’s a lot of fucking money… and a stupid fucking way to justify it.

But money is money. Fat is fat. Help is help.

I’m terrified I’m going to fail even with this huge amount of support I’ve paid through the nose for.

My trainer kept asking me over, and over again, “Are you willing to give up things in you life and fully commit?” my obvious answer, was “yes! yes! yes!!!! Obviously! Duh”but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had just given him the obvious, mechanical answer I knew I was supposed to give.

Am I really willing to put in the work? Am I willing to give up things I love? Am I actually willing to say ‘no’?

Fuck, my heart is saying yes, but I hate how I can feel a slight doubt in the pit of my stomach.

you CAN do it. you WILL do it! i know we dont know each other, but i feel like i “know” you from your awesome tumblr, and i feel like the only way your tumblr got so awesome is because YOU are so awesome. you are such an inspiration to me! it is wonderful that you are able to celebrate your victories and instead of whining about things you don’t like about yourself (like i do), you actually DO something about it. that is so rare and so amazing! i dont think there is anything wrong with getting a personal trainer - in fact, i think its a bold, strong move. just be encouraged! you have already come so far and you will be able to accomplish this goal just as you have your goals in the past. and know that as you work towards your goals, you are also inspiring others to do the same! <3

I think at least 85% of tumblr is listening to lady gaga right now.

plasticteacups:

likespancakes:

LUL

true story.

RA RA AH AH AH
ROMA RO MA MA
GA GA OOH LA LA